So I finally accepted that Bipolar Didorder isn’t just a mental health disorder, not just a disease that I am afflicted with and that I can make go away with medication.

I don’t ‘have’ Bipolar. I am Bipolar. My entire personality from the day I was born has been influenced by it. I am essentially two people, each very different, that constantly fight over who has control. All I can do is try to ford a path down the middle, using medication and altering my lifestyle to help me avoid the extremes of both personalities and stay relatively balanced.

I see it as walking down a very large tunnel and slowly, slowly, shrinking it, leaving less room for my mood to go bouncing about into Depression or Mania.

Due to the type of Bipolar Disorder that I have I will likely be fighting this battle all my life, although hopefully eventually the extremes of moods will be brought in past the level that renders me incapable of holding a job, risking frightening friends away, unsuitable material for a healthy relationship and generally useless.

One day my personality will be less defined by the struggle. I look forward to not being exhausted and nauseous all the time. I REALLY look forward to the time when I can trust decisions I make to be logical in the real world instead of just Natty World and I stop waking up thinking “What the hell did I do yesterday?!”